


Speak Now

by NeverMessWithTeddyBears



Category: Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994), Four Weddings and a Funeral (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 04:47:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20924402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverMessWithTeddyBears/pseuds/NeverMessWithTeddyBears
Summary: Maya can't pinpoint when exactly she fell in love with Duffy, but it's then, in that bathroom, when she knows she loved him - that she loves him - and she wants to cry with the realization; not sure whether with joy or heartbreak.She's used to heartbreak, though.So she composes herself and heads back to the party.





	Speak Now

**Speak Now**

* * *

Maya's never met Duffy's girlfriend.

For some reason she doesn't want to investigate deeper, she always feels like she has to justify that statement whenever she thinks of it. Duffy relocated to London with Ainsley almost fresh out of college, Craig following after them soon enough, and although the plan was for Maya to go, too - the idea of permanently living in London being a dream of hers as well as theirs since they all did their year abroad - but she had already gotten an amazing job she truly loved with excellent benefits (and, yes, ultimately a man she liked sleeping with, too; had loved enough to even believe he'd leave his wife and that she could ever possibly have a future with him even though she should have known better, should have known that divorced senators that go on to marry their employees don't end up in the White House) and felt like the best thing for her then was to remain in the States.

She always said she'd visit - and, in Maya's defense, she really thought she would, had made so many promises that ended up being broken and plans that ended up falling apart - and the fact that the last time she went to stay at Ainsley's all of her friends were very much single is the main reason she pulls out to justify never meeting Tabby.

Her subconscious won't leave her alone, no matter how hard Maya tries, and all that's left for her to do is pretend that there isn't a weird tug at her heart whenever Duffy mentions her or when she sees a photo of them together, happy and in love.

Maya usually just turns off her phone then and refocuses on work.

However, he usual tactic becomes invalid as she picks up her phone to find a vaguely known voice on the other line calling her name. "_Hey, this is Maya, right?_" Tabby's voice is strained with excitement and for the life of her Maya can't find a reason why the woman might be calling her. "_It's Tabby, Duffy's girlfriend?_"

It takes a moment before Maya's composed herself enough to speak up. "Yeah, that's me." her voice is too soft for her liking, so timid, and Maya clears her throat. "I didn't know you had my number?"

"_Oh, sorry. I got it off Duffy's phone, I hope you don't mind?_" she explains. "_I'm just calling up everyone in his contacts to set up a Birthday party._"

Oh, that's right. Duffy's birthday is in two months. Maya can't help but smile as she catches on. "I'm guessing it's a surprise party?"

"_Yes!_" Tabby replies excitedly. "_I know it's generally way too early to think about stuff like that, but a lot of his friends aren't from London and I figured to better be safe than sorry._" she explains, offering details. In her office, Maya's already opened the web browser on her laptop and is searching up plane tickets, as well as calculating how many vacation days she'll have to ask for in advance. "_So, will you be able to make it? I know how much it would mean to Duffy to have his college gang back again._"

Maya books her plane tickets.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

* * *

That's how, two months later, Maya finds herself in London, staying at Ainsley's, trying not to get too drunk too quickly, and finally meeting Duffy's girlfriend.

She doesn't know why it gets to her so much - actually, she does, but she won't admit it to herself - because Craig's been dating Zara for a year and she's never felt anything remotely like this. But now, as she's looking at Duffy blowing the candles and kissing Tabby as he cuts the cake, the tug she'd get on her heart turns into a massive pull and she feels like she can't breathe.

Ainsley doesn't seem to notice. "It's weird, isn't it?"

"What?" Maya asks, breathless. She takes a sip of her drink, hoping Ainsley stays clueless, and uses any excuse to look away from Duffy. It doesn't last long.

"I don't mean this in a bad way." Ainsley prefaces and Maya nods, forcing a light smile, because she knows Ainsley, and she knows her friend would never say anything malicious, would barely even think it, no matter what others might assume. "But who would've thought Duffy would be the first one to get married out of all of us?"

Maya hopes she's managed to keep her expression calm, and instead downs the rest of her drink. "Yeah." she says, pausing. Then, "But they're not engaged yet."

"I know." Ainsley says. "But they're as good as, wouldn't you say?"

Maya excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

* * *

The realization hits her as she's sitting on the toilet seat in one of the bathroom stalls, breathing deeply with her head in her hands and something similar to a migraine setting in.

For some reason, she goes back to her first semester at college when she met Duffy in her writing class. Goes back to listening to his nervous voice as he read the short piece they were tasked with writing. Goes back to how, even then, that now familiar tug was present.

She thinks about when they all decided to live off-campus, renting an apartment which was mostly paid by Ainsley and her parents, though they all worked jobs and put in their share, and the endless nights they spent together, creating memories they recall fondly even now; stories they'll probably go back to laughing over in about three drinks when they're drunk enough and not as easily embarrassed.

She goes back to their last night in London during their year abroad, to looking up at the London Eye at three in the morning with his coat around her shoulders and how she then caught him looking at her. How she almost kissed him then but stopped herself.

Goes back to her mother's funeral. Clinging to Duffy so hard she thought she'd rip through his suit and his skin. Soaking shirt after shirt after shirt that he ended up changing five times. How she fell asleep with her head in his lap after he helped her clean the kitchen once everyone left. How she woke up in her own bed, an aspirin and a glass of water on her bedside table, and a note that he went to get breakfast.

She can't pinpoint when exactly she fell in love with him, but it's then when she knows she loved him - that she _loves_ him - and she wants to cry with the realization; not sure whether with joy or heartbreak.

She's used to heartbreak, though.

So she composes herself and heads back to the party.

* * *

"I almost thought I wouldn't be able to properly talk to you tonight." she hears his voice as he joins her on the balcony and she turns to him, smiling. His eyes are shining - whether from happiness or the drinks or the atmosphere that feels like home, she doesn't know, but a part of Maya hopes it's because she's there - and she lets herself fall into him, closing her eyes as his arms circle her, hugging tightly. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Duffy." she says, breathing in his smell. "Happy Birthday."

He kisses her head softly. "Thank you." he pulls away and Maya misses his warmth. "This was incredible." he gestures to the party still in full swing.

"Tabby really gave it her all, huh?"

Duffy sighs, smiling. "Yeah."

It physically pains her to speak. "So." she says. "Do I hear wedding bells?"

He shakes his head, laughing. "No, I don't... I don't know. Maybe?" she doesn't know what she wanted as an answer. "Not yet."

Maya nods. "She's lucky to have you, Duffy." she says, smiling up at him. They look at each other for a minute or two - Maya can't seem to tell time when he's in front of her, can barely think - before Duffy changes the subject.

They stay on the balcony until guests come to find him to say goodbye. The sun is about to rise.

He gives her his jacket.

* * *

"I can't lose him." Maya says, finally talking to Ainsley, and her best friend looks at her with so much sadness and compassion Maya thinks the tears she's been holding back will finally break through.

"Oh, honey." Ainsley hugs her. "I had no idea."

"He's my best friend, Ains." she says. "My favorite person. And I've always loved him, I just never realized how much. It's pulling me apart, Ainsley." the tears finally fall, and Ainsley comfortably runs her hands down Maya's back.

"You should tell him." Ainsley says close to her ear and Maya pulls away, shaking her head.

"I can't blow everything up. I can't-" she takes a deep breath. "He'll marry her, Ainsley. He'll be happy. That's all I want for him."

"But what about you?" Ainsley asks. "You deserve happiness, too. You need closure, Maya. Otherwise it'll always hurt and you'll never stop being torn apart. That itself will blow up everything anyway."

* * *

Her last night in London, she ends up at his door, ringing the doorbell at eleven pm and almost leaving, already out on the street in pouring rain, when the door opens and he walks out, shivering as the cold hits him.

"Maya?"

She closes her eyes at the way he says her name, the warmth spreading through her almost cancelling the coldness of the rain that she feels on her skin. Taking a deep breath, she thinks it's now or never.

"I love you." she says, looking him straight in the eyes, and she can see him straighten up, shoulders tightening, and a part of her wants to turn around and leave but she's already said the hard part. "I don't know for how long; probably since I met you, in a way. And I know I'm late. And I know that you're with Tabby and you're happy and you should be - there's nothing that I want more in my life than for you to be happy. So you don't have to feel the same, and you don't have to say it back. And I hope that when I leave we can still be friends because I cannot imagine my life without you, no matter what way it's in." she continues. "But _I love you_, Caleb. I know it in my soul, now. And I couldn't not say it and spend the rest of my life being torn apart from the inside without you knowing, without _me_ knowing." she sighs, her hands crossing in front of her since she doesn't know what to do with them and for the first time she looks away, staring at the rain falling into the puddles in the ground before she turns away to leave.

The pain is there, but her heart also feels lighter. She thinks maybe, somehow, she might just survive this.

Then; "I broke up with Tabby after the party."

Maya stops in her tracks and turns around as Duffy walks the steps from his front door, going to her. He doesn't mind the cold or the rain anymore. "_Wh_-" she stutters, not knowing what to say.

"You taught me what love was." he says, closer to her with every step. "But you lived your life, Maya, and I wasn't gonna keep you from it. So I tried my best to move on, to find my own happiness, but it never felt completely right. And that was okay, I could've lived with it. But then I saw you, and-" his hand takes hers and their fingers entertwine. "It hit me like a ton of bricks all over again. I love you."

There's a moment when both of them do nothing, when the air is deadly silent other than the rain falling and Maya almost thinks none of this is real. Suddenly, though, he lets go of her hand and grabs her around the waist with it, using his other one to cup her cheek as his lips meet hers, and Maya can feel her skin burning, can see fireworks behind her eyelids, can feel her heart bursting with joy.

She never wants it to end, and she doesn't think it ever will.


End file.
